Fat and Festive

Ohhhh, Christmas. Is it any wonder so many of us make promises to “get healthy” in the new year, when we conclude the previous one with an unimaginable orgy of binge-eating? I’m on the couch right now, still in my pyjamas, feeling like my water is about to break.

There was no chance in hell I was going to exercise today, but I did still manage to do my Wii Fit U body test; as you can imagine, I was pretty fucking terrified as I stepped on the balance board to be weighed. Miraculously, my BMI was lower than yesterday’s – maybe my body is still too wasted on champagne to realise that it’s eaten a whole roast chicken, a tray of tiramisu, a jar of chocolate covered almonds and a small palette of Forrero Rochers in the past forty-eight hours. Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up looking like a manatee. Oh well. I’ll waddle across that bridge when I come to it.

In hindsight, it wasn’t really the best idea to commit myself to a healthier lifestyle a week before Christmas. The timing could have been better, but once again, I’ve decided to be realistic about it. There’s still a week left in 2013, a week to recover and get my bearings, so to speak. I’ll have worked my way back into the routine I had going by the 31st, ready to commit myself in earnest once more.

There, you have it in print. So there’s no backing down, lest I be branded as that most damnable of creatures, a quitter.


Food guilt aside, though, Christmas was extremely enjoyable. We keep it fairly simple these days; just Mum and I, my brother and his partner. She’s an amazing cook – that tiramisu I mentioned? Incredible. And altogether we had twice as much food as we needed, so of course we shall observe the customary post-Christmas week of leftovers, in keeping with holiday tradition.

I received an awesome leather wristband, which, in conjunction with the rings I already wear, will no doubt push my look from ‘hipster’ to ‘alternative’ (man, I’ve been trying to break through that ceiling for months), as well as some t-shirts I was sorely in need of, and a new Hugo Boss fragrance, which will infuse my new alternative with an edge of ‘metro’. Nick and Amanda got me some excellent comedy DVDs, including a box set of Chapelle’s Show, which I spent the entire morning devouring. At least an hour of that was just the Rick James episode on repeat.

(Sorry for the poor quality in the first video – it’s hard to find the full sketch on YouTube.)





My other task for this week – apart from eating fudge and doing callisthenics while sobbing uncontrollably – will be making some sensible resolutions for the new year. I’m still working on the shortlist, but you can be damn sure it won’t include such hackneyed pipe dreams as “find love/a boyfriend”, “get in shape” (a vague sentiment I used to peddle quite frequently) or any other kind of insipid platitude – “find myself”, or some bullshit. This year I want real, concrete goals with quantifiable results.

They’ll include my book, if indeed I have any right to call it that, as well as this website – Say it with Sangria, you may have noticed, is undergoing some radical changes, and there are more yet to come before the end of the year. Hopefully we’ll be able to fully unveil Sangria 2.0 in January, with a more streamlined, visually striking front page and clearer content. Jess has been instrumental in coding everything, and we’ve received some excellent feedback from our other contributors so far.

I’ll have more to add on the subject by New Year’s Eve, but for now, I’m so excited that I may even allow myself the luxury of an exclamation mark!


And finally, speaking of excited, I was thrilled this afternoon to discover that Princess Zelda is the latest character to be confirmed for the new Super Smash Bros Wii U, set for release next year. I knew she was more or less a definite inclusion, but it’s so awesome to see her beautiful new HD look, as well as a certain sassiness she’s evidently acquired since the last game.









Less fierce.


Rosalina’s looking a little “bitch please” in that last one as well.

It’s good to see Masahiro Sakurai include more women in the roster this time around; you know I love me some ladies. Y’know, in gorgeous frocks. Tasteful and elegant. And shit.


Well, that concludes my festive ramble for the time being. If you’re wondering what the general point of this post was, well… the hell with you. I’m alternative-metro, bitch. It’s a celebration. Enjoy yourself.

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